Makalay Saidiatu

By: Makalay Saidiatu Sonda

“Marry who loves you not the one you love,” she diligently advised the other lady sitting close by her in the vehicle. “You will not suffer if you do this.” She added.

The next lady sitting by her at the back sit of the car, added her take to the discussion. She commented that she will never remarry. She went further to say even though she is not happy that she’s lost him to the cold hands of death, she’ll never remarry. “I have spent my whole life raising kids and looking after my husband. In marriage you’re like an adopted child.”

“Won’t you help raise your grandchildren?”, another asked. “No. I will not raise any kids. I will have my life to myself now.” She replied, focusing on the road ahead as she drove us in her blue, Toyota Rav 4 jeep. She is a woman in her 50s and has lost her husband who was 77 years old at the time of his passing.. apparently some weeks ago. She was still wearing “blue” – the traditional mourning attire. In Sierra Leone, widows wear this for up to a month after their husband’s passing. To show of course that they have just been widowed. But widowers do not wear any attire to mark that they just lost a wife.

We were sitting in the living room, and we heard the usual “peep, peep, peep, peep peep’” of cars when there is a wedding, coupled up with the usual singing ‘eyawo dae? E dae !’

My auntie who was sitting next to me, a divorcee, commented on the glee and joyful noise of the wedding in the neighbourhood, as I asked, “who is getting married?”

The “I don’t know” was followed by an unexpected, sombre statement. “People are running away from marriages, they are going in.”

These everyday simple conversations echo the quiet wailings of women stuck in abusive marriages, and the silent voices of women who have had the courage to walk away and those who have decided never to tie the knot again.

I am not being anti marriage, but marriages have become one of the foremost places for the blatant abuse of women’s human rights and dignity. It has become a dark alley where women constantly face violence of all sorts – physical, emotional, psychological, sexual.

Everyday 133 women are killed globally by their own family members (husbands , brothers, uncles etc). Femicide, the killing of women, has become a global problem and continues to be one of the worst violations of human rights.

As we commence the 16 days of activism today, we all should play our part to end violence against women. Speak up against abuse. Stop abuse. Women are human beings, and they have the right to experience their full humanity with dignity and equal rights. Women’s rights are human rights. Smash the patriarchy!

About the Author: Makalay Saidiatu Sonda is a gender expert, feminist and an academic. She is also the founder of Moonteen, a community-based organisation focusing on rural girls’ empowerment.